I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
