fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
