At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
