This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
