Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
