If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
