planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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