it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
