I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
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whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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