I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
