Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
