dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
