He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
