And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
im on a boat
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