the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
