he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
