I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
