Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
