So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You may now shotgun with the bride
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
