and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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