Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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