Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
