I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
