For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
