I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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