It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We have started to decorate penises.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
