Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
