Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
