So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize