I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
