I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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