she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
