Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
