There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
