My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
