Im at strip club and am horny
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
