I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
