We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
