Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
