I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I FOUND THE LEGS
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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