1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
