I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
