I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
