I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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