Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
