is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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