Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
