I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
