The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize