Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
