covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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