I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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