White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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