I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
