Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
