Tell her she can't have a vagina
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize