So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
