two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's always time for handjobs
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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