I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
