There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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