i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
