So drunk its hurt
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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