Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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