he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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