The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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