you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
not ubering you a puppy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
