oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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