I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
well you can't waste a boner
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
