all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
