I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
