i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
whose parrot is this?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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