Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
