seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
