Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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