Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
