I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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