508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i drank out of a bidet.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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