Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
