I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
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The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
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I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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