that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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